This is wheah I provide the young people of America useful advice on important topics like cigarette selection, sun tan lotion application, and good deals on gallon jugs of chablis.
So my brother decided to pay your’s truly a visit last night. He used to email link after link to those aweful websites where they tell you cigarettes are bad for you. Now, I can do the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and elastic waist band pants on family holidays (all miracles, let me tell you) - but strike me where I stand if a cigarette isn’t an example of intellegent design.
But I digress
Archie is a good kid, and means well, but he’s never really been the same since we had him fitted wtih prosthetic hands. We gave him that body make up to blend the skin tone from his arms so the appliances would be so obvious…he’s just never really warmed up to the idea. Anyone out there know a good body makeup product?
Image by claudiogennari via Flickr
The doom and gloom cloud is clearing from the Rawlings household, let me tell you. I about lost my precious sanity last year as oil rocketed to close to $150 a barrel. Not only was my vintage 1985 pink Buik Sylark sipping down petrol the way I sip chablis with my breakfast cereal, but my essential beauty products were rising in price as well.
Let’s just say that my skin requires constant upkeep, and my saddled pores respond best to highly viscous compounds. I’m not sure everyone knows my beauty secret # 1, but I’m willing to share it with the internet postingers out there. Here’s a simple equation…
Supple skin + Deep dark tan = Lulu loves some Gloveoleum.
There’s no doubt about it, Gloveoleum is the dark horse candidate of the cosmetics world. Give it a try and write me about how luxurious you feel when you wind up looking like the finely tanned hyde of the finest Corinthian leather.
So my son, Rocco Jr, sent me a link to motivate me…I’ve become a little too supple in my upper arms (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bye+Bye+Arms). Apparently tone and sheen aren’t enough for a classy lady anymore. I thought it would be nice to have fleshy nunchucks hidden in my sleaves.
Normally my helmet (AquaNet) and shield (Glovolium) protect my leathery sheen…but I absolutely adore the rain. Like rum to raisin in my paste-like fruit cake, the rain plumps up my skin. It almost makes me feel like a teenager again. Ah, the good old days when a girl could try to sleep with the entire football team and still feel like a lady. That’s how I met Rocco you know. I’d worked through the entire defense, and offense…and I was down to the kicker and punter on special teams. When he took off that silly little one bar helmet after kicking a field goal, I knew I’d found him. I still wanted to nail the punter, but he was also trying to sleep his way through the football team.
Who says true love doesn’t exist?
Image via Wikipedia
It’s not often I whoah myself out to a product endorsement, if that’s what this type of thing is called, but Syvia and I have found something that we would consider the best thing since Aquanet. It’s called the Pedi Egg. Have you seen this thing yet? My step-son, Rocco JR, gave me one in my stocking this year, and let me tell you, my feet have never looked better. Let’s face it, there’s only so much lipstick you can put on the pig, if you know what I mean, but my dawgs have never looked nicer. I now use my Pedi Egg once a week. My only complaint to the manufacturers is what to do with all this dry skin mess I create. Goodness! It’s like I dropped a whole tube of Kraft parmesan cheese on the ground.
Here’s the website for this godsend. http://www.amazon.com/Ped-Egg-Pedicure-Foot-File/dp/B00113FENI
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